now a month since my wife and companion of 25 years, for reasons I still don’t
fully understand, told me she considered our marriage ended, and that she did
not wish to communicate with me or hear from me again. After a single
abortive attempt to find out what was the cause, in the face of resolute
silence I have reluctantly acquiesced to her wishes. The only clue I got
was that I had “left her” to come to Fiji. This is certainly a
surprise because when I had almost come to the conclusion (since proved
correct) that I should decline the position and stay in NZ, it was she who
persuaded me to come, assuring me that two years was not long for us to be
separated, and in any case she would come to visit, and that I would get some
fulfilment from this job that I was not getting in NZ. All three wrong as
it turns out, and in retrospect, in my heart I think I may have known it. Hard
to be sure.
relationship must have its moments, good and bad, and ours is surely no
exception. Though I have not always understood what the problems between
us were, I have always tried to appreciate that our marriage only ever partly
bridged a huge cultural gap that I did not always fully comprehend. Our
domestics were usually about money and family. There is no blame that I can
identify, just a big confusion involving two different personalities which
engaged and meshed well most of the time, despite their different backgrounds.
whole, it was a good life that we had. We did our best to be loving, caring, responsible
parents; we raised two beautiful daughters that we both love dearly and of whom
we are both very proud, and we were good friends, companions and lovers for
most of our lives together. We were always faithful and loving to each
other and still are as far as I am concerned.
Looking back I can only conclude that even if I had known this would be the
final outcome (if indeed it is) and had I known everything then that I now
know, still I would have followed this path to where it has led me – maybe with
the exception of coming to Fiji – but that was another class of mistake
entirely. And perhaps I am forgetting ,a little, just how very unhappy I
was at the Misery of Health.
It has taken a month of grief and misery and wondering to get this far. Still a way to go.
things are worth a broken heart. I learned that from Dr Who.
And that is all I
have to say about that. Ever.